


you make me begin.

by iljhoon



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, I'm Sorry, M/M, Winkdeep, the winkdeep angst no one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 23:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12995025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iljhoon/pseuds/iljhoon
Summary: "I met you at the lowest point of my life. Yet, ironically, you had also left me, at the lowest point of my life."





	you make me begin.

I met you, during the lowest point of my life.

I remember that day as though it had happened just yesterday. I remember every detail, every colour that soared behind your eyes, and every emotion that I had gathered. It was during my hospital trip, in April 2015, when you had first appeared in my vision. I had just collected my hospital report from the front desk, and as I gathered all of my courage to open up the envelope, you knocked right into me, as our reports got mixed up in a messy, unraveled pile on the floor. I recall how you had aggressively apologised to me, bowing several times, even after I had laughed it off and said it was okay.

After gathering my report, you looked at me straight in the eye, hair completely messed up, apologised one more time, before asking if there was anything you could do to express your further apologies. I look at you strangely, and deny, stating it was nothing much, and all you had done was bump into me by accident, but by the look of your eyes, I could tell that you were a persistent one that doesn't take my 'no' for an answer. I smiled and stretched out my hand, **let's be friends then** **.** You smiled, and shook back.

**What's your name?** You asked me, your eyes twinkling with the stars from the night sky. I smiled,  **I'm** **Park Jihoon.**

That night, I couldn't sleep. My mind was strangely filled up with thoughts of you; questions about you. How are you like as a person? What kind of food do you enjoy? What were you doing at the hospital, with a similar envelope resting in your hands?... With so many questions in my mind, the biggest, and probably the most surprising to myself, was how I was constantly wondering, about the past you have lived through.

Oh, why was I so curious about you?

Why did I leave so many questions to float around in my mind when I could just call you, or even text you? No, I can't do that. It's way past midnight. You're probably asleep. 

Except, you were not asleep, when you texted me at 2:28am, asking me if I was awake.

* * *

_\- are you awake?_

_\- yes, i'm awake._

_\- what are you doing staying up_

_\- so late?_

_\- hehe, i can't sleep._

_\- so i decided to try my luck_

_\- and text you._

_\- lucky me!_

* * *

I laughed, you seem to get awfully fascinated, even at the slightest of things. That night, we talked for hours about the most stupid of things, and I had learnt, that you had an strange sense of humor, and a list of theories about human existence. Oh, Bae Jinyoung, you're so cute.

From then on out, you would constantly text me, and ask me about my day, or whether I would like to listen to your 400th theory on whether aliens exist, which according to you, they _"must have, considering how big the universe is, and how small, we the people, are."_ I had never really told you, but I do enjoy our little conversations, they do bring me a rather big sum of joy.

Suddenly, unknowingly, you stopped. You had stopped sending me strange 3am messages talking about the universe, stopped asking how my day went, stopped calling me, and we stopped having video chats. All of this was plentiful for me to handle, and it felt like an part of me was missing.

_your love was suddenly a habit of mine, but you had disappeared._

And with the lack of calling and interacting, we didn't hang out anymore. I had always looked forward to getting a cup or two of coffee with you, as we chat, even if you were the one who mainly did the talking. I still recalled the day we had first hung out, I had been pretty nervous while waiting for the day to knock on my front door, and when I went over to your house to pick you up, I remember thinking how you looked like an angel. A beautiful creature that has entered my life, in the darkest point, to give me light and love.

But, I believe that you deserve light and love more than I did. For you were pure, and I, was outrageously sick.

However, even after trying to contact you through any means which I can possibly think of, you would not pick up, nor reply. The messenger app clearly states that you have seen those messages, so why are you avoiding me? Was I becoming too much for you? was all I could think about.

I was about to give up, stop calling you, and just wish you the best of luck in whatever you do, when suddenly my phone had lit up with your name plastered right on the screen. I don't think I had ever moved that fast in answering a call. You could imagine the sight, along with the confusion that creases along my eyebrows, when I didn't hear a voice, but rather a lady crying.

**\- plea-please, don't contact this number ever again.**

**why not? what happened?**

The lady takes a deep, shaky breath, **jinyoung's dead.**

My phone dropped and landed on the soft carpet. You were dead? When? How, when I was the one who was supposed to die? How is it fair, that a pure angel like you had to die, while I, who was filthy and sick, still living? And how could you hide this from me?

I refused to believe you were dead.

Even as I knocked on your front door and stood there as no one answered.

Even as I replay late night audios that you send me, knowing I won't hear this voice again.

Even as I stood in front of your burial and watch your body get buried.

Even as I visit your grave with your favourite sunflowers.

 

I refuse.

* * *

 

Dear Bae Jinyoung,

You met me at the lowest point of my life,

yet ironically, you had also left me,

and created a new lowest point of my life.

And all I wish I had done,

was tell you that I love you,

before you left.

 

Yours, even in Heaven,

Park Jihoon.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is the winkdeep fic no one asked for but I delivered anyway. I really like winkdeep and there isn't enough fics of them:(   
> ANYWAY! i hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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